Glitter, Not Stardust
by TheWritingMonster
Summary: All she wants is to be a star, to see her name in lights, all she wants is to be famous. Trina-Centric. Rated for adult themes. One Shot


_This is a one shot I wrote about Trina. Now to be quite honest, I don't think her character is as talentless as they make her out to be, and if she were really terrible, she wouldn't be in the school anymore, in fact her character wouldn't exist. But anyway I hope you enjoy this fic._

**Warning: Mentions of Self-Harm and Bulimia**

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><p>She's always been told to reach for the stars, that she can make her dreams come true. She listens to their glitter painted lies thinking that one day her name will be in bright shining lights and she'll be a star… someday.<p>

And she's been making a wish on every shooting star that maybe her dreams will come true, even if her dreams are burning to dust just like the stars she wishes on.

When she tells her parents that she wants to be a singer, a dancer, and actress _(she wants to be famous)_ she's all too happy to believe that their fake smiles _(that don't reach their eyes)_ and half hearted cheers are real and true. Instead she gets ready to stand by the piano, her father at the bench singing her heart out to drown out her own doubts and ignoring the faces her mother and sister are making.

She doesn't care what they think, she will be famous and she knows _(hopes)_ it.

The first time she walks into Hollywood Arts her eyes are wide with amazement as talented students dance and frolic about her. Never had she felt more at home, even if they treat her worse than an outcast _(not that anyone else would notice/care)._

_But the stars in her eyes only shined brighter._

Her teachers tell her that she over sings, over acts, over dances, and that she's just too much. To her it all sounds like compliments when they mean that perhaps she shouldn't try so hard. But Trina won't stop trying not until she's shining brighter and bright because she feels dull, dimmed and fogged up like a dusty mirror.

And stars are **never** dull, they _always_ shine.

"_Who does that girl think she is?"_

"_She's the worst singer in this whole school!"_

"_How'd she even get in?"_

"_I bet her parents had to pay the principle to get her in."_

"_She won't last another day here."_

"_What a loser."_

Those are the whispered sneers she hears as she walks down the halls or sitting in class acting like she doesn't hear them.

"I'll be famous one day… they'll see," she mutters to herself reading over her script and putting every word to memory (_but she won't get the part…or __**any**__ part_)

But her self-confidence is torn down everyday by the cruel sneers and snickers of her classmates, her parents _(they think she doesn't pay attention),_ her teachers, even her younger sister Tori tears her down.

"I don't even know how she got in," Tori says to a friend over the phone then laughs a few seconds later. "Yeah, car alarms go off, dogs in the neighborhood are barking like crazy after she sings."

Trina covers her mouth as she goes back to her room slamming the door loudly _(but she bets Tori doesn't care if she'd heard)._ A deep ache flourished in her chest like a punch to the heart as mascara soaked tears stream down her face. How could her own sister say such mean things about her?

_Even if they were true._

Her legs are suddenly weak and she crumples into a heap onto her peach colored bed spread, sobs shaking her body and pressing heavily on her throat. Feeling her dinner lurch against the walls of her stomach she pulled herself from her bed _(tears sill blurring her vision)_ and made her way to the bathroom.

Locking herself in, she lifted up the toilet seat and emptied her barely full stomach. The burn of stomach acid against her throat and the emptiness in her brought her a little bit of peace back to her washing over her like a tiny wave, but it wasn't enough._ It was never enough._

She needed more than just purging to get rid of the **failure** and **imperfection** clinging to her body.

"I _will_ be perfect," she says to herself picking apart one of the disposable razors she found under the cabinet. "I _will_ be famous."

_Then her wishes on silver stars became wishes on silver razors._

"Trina, it looks like you've gained a couple of pounds," one of her 'friends' tells her with a sneer.

"Oh and so did your face," she sneers back easily masking the hurt and pain in her eyes.

_And they say she was a terrible actress._

The scars on her thighs and stomach were tiny then, but when her little sister Tori shocked and surprised everyone with her _natural_ talent things only got worse.

"_You know that new girl Tori?"_

"_Yeah, she's so hot!"_

"_Trina's her sister."_

"_Really, how can that loser be related to Tori?"_

_Tori_, her bratty little sister was stealing everything from her. She stole her lime light, her friends _(even though she didn't have any)_, and the attention she deserved _(wanted/needed/craved)._ And Tori never wanted to be famous, but here she is in _her_ school getting all the praise, compliments and smiles she only wished could get.

_Looks like all a those wishes on stars were just waste… worthless just like she was._

But at least she has her silver little friend to slice away her pain, cutting it down and bleeding away all her imperfections and failures never to be seen again _(at least until Tori opens her perfect little mouth and makes everyone falls at her feet)._ Tears prick the corners of her eyes as she stares at her bloody thighs _(they're still full of fat-fat-fat)_ and gets the urge to empty her stomach again.

"Trina thinks she's so great."

"That girl stinks worse than that Robbie kid."

"She's awful!"

"She's a failure!"

She ducks in the bathroom to purge when she hears the insults from glittery lips; they stab at her gut viciously and tries to bit her lip to stop the sob that's bubbling in the pit of her throat.

_They really did hate her._

_She really was a failure._

As the skinny girls _(the A-listers she idolized)_ leave the girl's room sweeping their long perfect hair over their bony shoulders she sniffs letting a few stray tears stain her cheeks.

"I'll be famous one day," she sniffs pathetically her voice thick and heavy like lead "They'll see, when I'm a star."

And when she sees another shooting star in the sky she'll hope it'll make her dreams come true. She'll wish to be perfect; she'll wish to be a star shining brighter than the ones in the sky.

"_I'll be a star_," she whispers right before leaning over the toilet to empty her shriveled stomach.

"_I'll be perfect_," she whispers as she slices at her wrists, thighs and stomach.

"_I'll be famous_," she chants right before she goes to sleep, but she doesn't believe it anymore _(but she can still dream…can't she?)._

Tori is a star, full of perfection and stardust, she was made/born to be famous. But Trina knows what she is, she's glitter, imperfect and _desperate_; she wasn't meant to be famous.

Because glitter doesn't shine or sparkle like a star does in the night sky.

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><p><strong>Please leave a review xoxo.<strong>


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